Grief Jars
At the beginning of every Parent Loss Support Group that I run for Moms raising littles, I show them 3 different sized containers with the same object inside and ask where they see themselves. In the smallest container, I place the object that represents grief inside, and it completely fills the container. Grief is consuming and there is little to no space for anything else. In the medium container, grief takes up a good amount of space, but there’s room for breath, maybe the first laugh, and some connection with others. In the largest container, we see that grief still remains the same size as it’s always been, but there’s so much space for life to continue to grow around, and with, your grief. The grief doesn’t feel all consuming everyday anymore, there’s space to carry on your relationship with your deceased parent, you feel present with your children and partner, and you’re able to move forward with their memory in tow, always.
The answers vary as far as where each Mom sees themselves in their grieving process. When I first started running this group, I was a little surprised to hear some of the Moms say they see themselves in the big jar. But it wasn’t what I initially thought. They saw themselves being forced to push through their grief and exist in this big jar because they never had time or space to just be in that small jar and focus on their loss. They felt they had to fast forward and white knuckle through it. Their grief was shackled and pushed aside. They were in the big jar, but the grief still felt so heavy that they lacked connection and presence. They were existing, but struggling with actually facing their grief. When am I even doing this? How am I doing this? Who even understands what I’m going through? When the answers felt impossible and lonely, the grief got pushed further down.
The support group became a catalyst for many Moms. They heard themselves in each other’s stories, in their experiences, in their layers upon layers in grief. They saw how others also struggled with making space or having time to grieve and feel, while still being expected to parent, work, be present, and do all the things. No pressure, right? A big part of them was drowning in all the ‘asks’ of the world, desperate for understanding.
If any of this resonates with you, I want you to know you’re not alone. Sometimes we go through things in life and we can’t find a mirror around us, someone who has some level of understanding what it feels like to grieve a parent, while also having to show up as a parent at the same time. The sadness, the overwhelm, the impatience, the anger, the grief, the struggling, the intrusive thoughts, and for some, a complete lack of support in ways that are needed. No matter what jar you see yourself in, you’re always welcome to join us, to surround yourself with Moms who just get it. And maybe, just maybe, you don’t actually have to feel alone in it anymore. And maybe, just maybe, you still get to be the parent you dreamed you’d be before loss.
*If you’re in PA or NY and interested in joining the next round of my Parent Loss Support Group, click on ‘Get Started’ or explore the ‘Services ~> Group Therapy’ tab for more details. It starts 2/23/26 and I’d love to see you there. Can’t make it? Look out for more virtual groups run throughout the year.
