Ending a relationship with a parent is brutal. It’s filled with disappointment, longing for unconditional love that isn’t reciprocated, and an enormous amount of grief. We tend to associate grieving with the death loss of a parent, but what happens when you’re mourning the living?

Whether you were there and watched someone die or not, the brain can do a pretty good job of creating all sorts of visuals. It will fill in the gaps of scenes you may have missed, and can convince you of many different realities. It can also make you think of 100s of different scenarios where it all works out differently, where if one tiny thing had just been different, they’d still be here, they’d still be alive today.

The ‘what ifs.’ The more questions than answers. The emotional and physical pain…

Why do we do this? It feels like mental torture! There are actually several reasons we do this, and I likely won’t cover everyone’s experience in this one little blog, especially if the relationship was complicated to begin with. But, we’ll give it a go and see what resonates for you.

Family estrangement has become quite the hot topic over the past couple years. But, for those of us therapists who work with clients around attachment and childhood wounds, it’s something we explore all the time within our sessions. How do I have a relationship with this person I call a parent, when they really don’t even know me and don’t seem to be curious about me at all?

Parenting while grieving the loss of a parent feels impossible most days. Yet, somehow you keep going. With all the responsibilities that continue to be expected of you, where do the grieving Moms and Daughters go? Don’t worry, I got you.

If you’re interested in joining our next group, it is virtual and open to any Mom’s raising littles in Pennsylvania or New York. It starts February 23, 2026 and runs for 6 weeks, ending on March 30, 2026, Mondays from 9:30 - 10:30am. You can reach me directly at amber@ambermarietherapy.com or www.ambermarietherapy.com.

Recently I had someone ask me, “Why even bother allowing myself to feel all this grief?” In the moment, it might have been more of a rhetorical question, but it was valid nonetheless. Honestly, it’s a fair question to ask. Why do we bother feeling grief or other emotions that feel terrible and debilitating? What’s the point? Wouldn’t it be better to set yourself to auto pilot and cruise control your way until the end of your own days? Is there a way to avoid it all?

It’s complicated when a parent doesn’t provide a secure attachment. If you’re just starting out with giving your origins of shame more thought, or trying to fill in the gaps between things you already know, I hope this helps shine some insight into this really complex topic.

Self blame, shame, guilt, and negative self talk are such heavy burdens to carry. Do you ever wonder where it all originates? Often these thought patterns and behaviors are on a continuous loop that becomes so normalized across various situations, that many people don’t even stop to question their legitimacy. In this blog, let’s get curious.

“But I think a lot of you are out there, like me. Those who feel they could never compare their grief to their partner’s loss of a parent, but who still have their own grief to tend to, while also trying to be the best support.”

A poem about being busy slowing down and unlearning every toxic thing you were ever taught.

A poem about letting go of toxic people whom you once loved.

“There is a tremendous amount of grief that lives inside these bones. There is no separating life “before” or “after” someone died. It has always been.”