Where Do the Grieving Moms and Daughters Go?
It’s 6am. The house is a mess. The kids are running around full speed, laughing and being loud. You’ve only just opened your eyes and you’ve already felt like you’ve lived the entire day. The noise of the kids feels amplified, as you already feel all senses flooded. Touched out, tapped out, overstimulated, and overwhelmed before you even step foot out of bed. It’s starting to feel like groundhogs day ever since your parent died. How am I going to get through another day? Maybe you cry, maybe you’re numb, but you get up & let the day begin. Saturated and heavy with loss, you know the day has to go on. The kids need you, your partner needs you, it feels like everyone in the world needs you, but survival feels like all you have to give right now.
Losing a parent at any time is tragic. Having a parent die in the midst of raising tiny humans comes with the sorrow of your own grief, as well as being stacked with the grief your littles are experiencing. Carrying it all can feel impossible some days. The death of a parent is one of the hardest things to navigate, when the world doesn’t seem to ever slow down. There is an incredible weight and cascade of other griefs enveloped within this loss. For Moms, there is a deep grief of not being able to show up as the parent you dreamed you’d be to your own kids. Everything becomes clouded with the reality that your own parent is physically gone. You not only carry your own grief, but also tasked with being the regulator of everyone else’s feelings, when you desperately just need some time, some space, a moment to feel like you don’t have hold it all.
The importance of carving out space for your grief is not only so you can you find new ways to remain connected to your parent who has died, but to also embrace what needs to be tended to, to not lose yourself bit by bit until one day you can’t recognize who you are anymore. What we don’t tend to emotionally seeps out into our lives in other ways - the argument with your partner, the yelling at your kids, the brain fog and lack of focus at work…Time becomes magnified, in how important it is, and how quickly it passes. And I know you don’t want to feel like a shell of yourself anymore. I know you don’t want to yell at your kids. I know you don’t want to lose your patience at the tiniest things. I know you want to feel connected to your family, and yourself, again.
That’s why I created my virtual support group, ‘Parent Loss Support Group for Millennial Moms.’ At a young age my Dad died and I navigated a lot of those feelings by myself. It was lonely not having anyone who had gone through the loss I had, so I kept a lot to myself and learned to heal a lot for myself. Fast forward throughout the pandemic, I had 5 significant back to back losses, all while raising a baby and toddler at the time. I was metaphorically drowning in it all. We can only carry so much by ourselves. From these personal experiences, my group for Mom’s emerged. I have put so much love and care into supporting and connecting other Moms.
This is such a unique, painful, but also still a joy filled time in our lives. It can feel so unfair to carry the burden of grief, but in this group we don’t look at grief as a burden, we hold it as something that needs space to breathe and heal and slowly integrate into how we want to move forward in our new lives. We nurture this very real pain instead of trying to bulldoze past it. Moms who have joined this group have expressed release and relief in joining together with other Moms who “just get it.” They feel their patience and mood lighten, as well as shifting their focus into connection, not just with their family, but as well as honoring their parent. Some Moms have had the most wonderful parents, and for some Moms, it’s..well, it’s complicated, and there’s space for it all here. We intentionally carve out space to just be, and not be needed, even if it’s just for 1 hour a week. Parenting while grieving the loss of a parent feels impossible most days. Yet, somehow you keep going. With all the responsibilities that continue to be expected of you, where do the grieving Moms and Daughters go? Don’t worry, I got you.
If you’re interested in joining our next group, it is virtual and open to any Mom’s raising littles in Pennsylvania or New York. It starts February 23, 2026 and runs for 6 weeks, ending on March 30, 2026, Mondays from 9:30 - 10:30am. You can reach me directly at amber@ambermarietherapy.com or www.ambermarietherapy.com.
Can’t make this round? Look out for more groups throughout the year, updated on my website and instagram @ambermarietherapy. Not ready for group? I also see people individually for sessions as well. I welcome all questions and emails, and hope no matter what, you’re able to carve out space for your grief.
In solidarity,
Amber DeMatteo, Grief Specialist, LMHC, LPC
www.ambermarietherapy.com
amber@ambermarietherapy.com
Instagram: @ambermarietherapy
**Blog featured on Renee M. Calhoun’s website**
